Originally Written December 17, 2024
So I recently re-read my original blog, 'How Do You Run A Business When Your Life is A Mess?, and I sat with my past self's version of events & the world. Two years ago I concluded that the answer was “You don’t.”
In 2022, my energy was giving very much "drop everything Craig is in trouble". I was Craig in this scenario and the "everything" that I was dropping turned out to be my unaligned family, friendships, my hometown and lastly my business. Y'all my nervous system was shot and I dropped everything like the bad habits they were. 🙃
If December 2024 Me were to answer the original question...given everything that I know now...my answer is You live through it. You shift with it. You allow it to make room for you.
The truth is, life is rarely not a mess if that is the lens from which you keep viewing your life. Sometimes it’s a neat, quiet mess. Other times it’s loud, chaotic, and spilling out of the drawers you thought you’d organized. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to have my life “together” to show up. I just need to show up as I am. I am already enough. I don't need to be more or less of myself in any given space. That was true then, and it’s true now—maybe even more so. It's tricky because somewhere along the timeline I forgot that I was already complete and all this "extra" is in addition to the blessing that is my being myself.
Where I Am Now
Two years ago, I wrote that Rich Auntie Energy was me. It still is.in a way. But in 2024, I started looking at who I really am outside of the roles I’ve carried: sister, cousin, friend, motivator, business owner, business partner, colleague, “the one who always shows up.” I’ve been unlearning the need to over-function to be seen. To over-give and under-listen - I've learned to listen to words & find patterns with actions. I have been sitting with myself. Sitting with the parts of myself that I told to shut up & be quiet because - well we don't have time for you. We don't have time to cry about it, we don't have time to whine about it, we don't have time to sit in the discomfort because the next thing is coming and there is no room to process let alone grieve your life folding and unfolding in front of you. In between the creases is where we're allowed to iron our names into the stars and ask our destiny's to be filled with ease, luxury and laughter. I have been sitting with my 34 year old body. I have discovered that the Undercurrent of Sadness I've always felt is actually depression not anxiety. Who knew!? Turns out I have ADHD. That tracks... Also, my thirties have highlighted the need to focus on my hormones & my recent PMDD diagnosis. I have been sitting and allowing parts of myself come to the surface in ways I couldn't before because of distractions and an unregulated nervous system. I’ve been sitting with my shadows—the ones I didn’t want to acknowledge two years ago.
And honestly? I’m exhausted. Not in a “burn-it-all-down” way, but in a “I’ve carried this for too long and it’s time to set some of it down” way. August 2024 I realized that this kind of exhaustion is not the kind you stay quiet about. It's the kind you go talk to a psychiatrist about and finally get prescribed the antidepressants that'll save your life. And thats a blog for another day.
The Mess Looks Different
The version of “mess” in my life now isn’t survival mode. It’s not about making it through one more week of late nights, early mornings, and overworked nervous systems. The mess now is more subtle:
- Navigating self-worth as I grieve relationships that no longer align.
- Balancing the dreams I have for myself with the reality of what I can give.
- Learning to trust that slowing down doesn’t mean I’m losing momentum.
It’s uncomfortable here. But discomfort is where the alchemy happens, isn’t it?
Business as a Reflection
Rich Auntie Energy has always been a reflection of where I am and where I’m growing. The last time I wrote about this, I was wrestling with the idea of “how can I show up for everyone else when I don’t show up for myself?”
I think the better question now is: Why am I trying to show up for everyone else when it’s me who needs me the most?
The truth is, my business—like my life—isn’t meant to be perfectly polished or constantly productive. It’s meant to evolve with me. I’m no longer forcing Rich Auntie Energy to fit into a version of “success” that doesn’t include me resting.
I’m no longer overcompensating for bad days with hustle. Instead, I’m honoring the bad days, because they show me where I need more care. I’m creating space for this new season—for me to breathe, grieve, love, and learn.
Showing Up For Myself First
How do you run a business when your life is a mess?
- You admit that it’s okay to not run full speed all the time.
- You outsource what you can, when you can.
- You stop apologizing for rest.
- You let your life—and your business—reflect your real, human experience.
I’m learning to show up for myself in the ways I want to be shown up for: with patience, with love, and with intention. I’m learning that I don’t have to carry everything on my own, that asking for help doesn’t mean I’ve failed. I’m learning that “success” can be a slow, gentle thing.
So yes, my life is still a mess. But the difference now is that I’m not fighting it. I’m trusting it to lead me to the next version of myself.
- Eboneé