How Do You Run A Business When Your Life Is A Mess?

How do you run a business when your life is an absolute mess? 

Family issues, relationship issues, inflation issues, apartment issues, and so on…very first world problemesque but I’m grateful and sick of this sh*t none the less.

How do you manage?

You listen to motivational talks, you buy every self-help book that comes across your phone, you drown yourself in affirmations in hopes you’ll believe them.

You tell yourself that everything that is meant for you won’t miss you…

You believe it. It’s always been true. Your life is an actual testimony to the fact. Abandoned when born, adopted by two angels, loss of one Angel at peak childhood, loss of my last Angel at the precipice of adulthood, loss after loss. Gain after gain. It ALWAYS works out.

What is so different now? Why does life feel harder? Why does every decision seem more weighted than the last?

Misinformation, miscommunication, change, ego, anxiety, depression, revelations, secrets, quietness, loudness, love, self talk, soul talks, avoidance of ego & demon talk, quietness, stability, openness, change, willingness, love, learning, unlearning, boundaries, healthy attachments, detaching from unhealthy attachments, love, confusion, hurt, sadness, happiness, confusion, want…and so on.

This year has been rough but not in the way past years have been. Hell, if I’m being honest last year was rough too. From top to bottom.

Now back to the title of this blog….How do you run a business when your life is a mess?

The quick and simple answer is…You Don’t.

Or in my case because I can’t seem to let go of my control issues & co-regulation issues…

You do your best when you can and rest when you can’t.

I’ve been asking myself one very specific question lately, “How can I show up for the people & things in my life when I don’t even show up for myself?”

I have shown up more for Rich Auntie Energy than I honestly ever thought possible…hell..more than I’ve shown up for myself if I’m being honest.

I’ve read so many books & articles, watched so many videos, listened to so many entrepreneurs, figured out what they do good & how I can do it better. In our first year we were featured in The Root & XoNecole. That’s big and amazing & I’ve never sat in that accomplishment. We went from a few hundred followers on social media to over 8,000 in 2 years. We took $500 each and turned it into a FIVE ($XX,XXX) FIGURE business that essentially sustains itself. I never thought or saw myself being a business owner. I never had the entrepreneurial spirit. But Rich Auntie Energy was different and has always been different. A different kind of calling and need…for me first and others second.

I’ve never sat in the weight of what I’ve helped to create. My first baby. My affirmation, my warrior cry, my calling, my life…me.

Rich Auntie Energy has never just been words on merch for me. It has been my identity for a long while now. Passed down to me from my Angel herself.

Maybe not in this specific set of words but the feelings and my existence now resembles what I know of my mama at this age. Sometimes I feel my importance in the lives of those around me has been tied to this affirmation.

Being the black, single (woof first time typing that in a while & it’s weird..confusing even), woman with no children is one of the most exhilarating and exhausting positions to hold in life.

When everything we celebrate about adult women is tied to our relation to a man…what else is left?

When society and family make you feel less than because of WHO you don’t have. You are kinda forced to either fall in line or pivot. No, I’m not being melodramatic…it is so strange being what others aren’t.

The comments from older family members about “when are you going to get a man to take care of you.” When you’ve been taking care of yourself for all of your adult life.

The comments from family & friends about “when you’re going to make them an auntie/uncle.”  When you can’t think that far ahead because your thyroid issues might make conceiving harder than normal…When the thought of being a mother is so scary because you never got to talk to your mom about being a woman let alone a mother

The comments & their confusion is not your problem but it’s hard not to want to solve it.

 It’s really hard to see how much people dislike you (there is heavy truth there but it’s ok) over things that are literally outside of you.

 It’s almost impossible to not want to solve or fix this view they have of you.

 We don’t have kids so what else better is there for us to do? (Please note how loud my sarcasm is here)

 In my case I solved their confusion (and likely dislike) to my life by showing up the only way I could. Being the Rich Auntie…

 I of course love the kids but that’s not the only part of it. The kids are the anchors that keep us seated in our position but it’s how we show up for and too everyone else that allows us the title. Being the motivational, grounded, “always there” friend and sister. Showing up…

 How we show up for the babies is a given but how we support and show up for our friends, cousins, and sisters…there’s a lot more weight there that we don’t talk about.

 Life has played out in a way where somewhere along the way I think I started to not feel good enough.

 Rich Auntie Energy is my middle finger to that feeling. Cause f#ck that I am good enough. More than really.

 I show up, I speak out, I speak life into those I love.

 Again, I keep asking myself, “How can I show up for the people & things in my life when I don’t even show up for myself?”

My mom passed in 2009, just a little while after I turned 18, and for a while there I was living to make her proud.

That got weird quick because she isn’t here…and I think my actually making it past that first year after losing her should be enough

It got weird because you can’t live your life for someone that’s not even here. You can only live your life for you.

When I made that mental switch life got…interesting.

Goals I set, I achieved. Things I wanted I obtained. Jobs I wanted, I was hired. Raises & promotions I wanted, I was given.

None of that really was for me though. It was for my survival and my ego.

I didn’t have a mom or a dad to fall back on. It was all on me. My survival depended on me. How hard I worked, the relationships I made, the choices I made, the information I sought…ME. My survival was on my shoulders and that’s what pushed me and guided me for a while.

My ego was a motivating factor in there as well. I’m a black woman, a Leo and if you know me “I’m Eboneé”. That last one is a full sentence because IYKYK.

I show up, I push forward, I move the needle, I do what I never thought was possible, I do what I’ve never thought…

But still, How do you run a business when your life is an absolute mess?

You don’t because clearly you can’t. Cleary you don’t need to add another thing to your plate until you learn what’s meant to be on your plate and not.

You can’t run your business when you can barely get out of bed some days. You can’t run your business because your dog wants to go on a walk and you burst out crying calling yourself “bad mommy” because you can’t stop stressing about all the things and all the people that are outside of your control. You can’t run a business when you’re consistently battling imposter syndrome and that imposter b*tch been winning lately. You can’t run a business when you are struggling to run the business of your damn life. You can’t run a business when you’ve based the business off of yourself...your life. You can’t run a business when your business requires you to be your best and most authentic self.

You can’t run a business while adjusting to this new you…this new season.

Everything has changed, and yet I am more me than I have ever been. – Evie Essence

This quote has been the story of my life. My entire life has changed so much in the past two years and more recently.

In this season, I’m learning to give myself more grace. I give so much grace to others and in that I’ve adopted a habit of not seeing myself worthy of the same grace I preach.

But with therapy and a lot of soul talks, I’ve learned that my learned behaviors suited me at a time when I needed them to survive.

I’m not in survival mode anymore and it’s uncomfortable here. I have the job, the car, the salary, the benefits, etc. I have the stability and predictability that I prayed and worked hard as hell for the past 13 years.

But now that I have stability, my basic needs are met, I now have to figure out what’s next? Have to figure out what do I want? Not need but want…

In comes Rich Auntie Energy…

I wanted to build a community. I wanted to share these words that make me feel powerful. I wanted to share this affirmation that empowers me. I wanted to share space with women who have felt how I have felt in certain spaces. I wanted to share this…I wanted to share ME…with anyone who could see me.

So I keep asking myself, “How do you run a business when your life is a mess?” but I think I need to adjust my perspective, words and the intention behind them.

I think I should be allowing myself the space to sort through my life. It’s only a mess because I’ve unintentionally distracted myself from myself and my needs while focusing on others. It’s only a mess because I’ve allowed my life to happen to me and not for me.

So if my business is based off my life, and my life is in transition it only makes sense my business reflects where I am.

So here I am writing this blog at 3:00am and finishing it at 5:00pm. Adding to my planner to post this at 8:00p knowing I’m likely not going to do it.

Here I am..being me..being honest.

I don’t have any of this figured out…I’m just extremely blessed and I know it will all work out.

I can’t end this blog with the hustle, never stop grinding bullshit capitalistic mindset a lot of others would. I can’t tell you or myself to suck it up and keep pushing when I know somedays it's pretty impossible.

I can only say that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have a few bad days so long as the goal is for the good to outweigh the bad. It’s okay to not have any of this shit figured out because that’s what we have the rest of our lives for.

It’s okay to not know how to run my business somedays. It’s okay because Good Day’s Eboneé is going to overcompensate so Bad Day’s Eboneé can rest a bit. Good Day's Eboneé makes a plan to outsource all the things I didn't have the energy to physically manage. Good Day's Eboneé automates social media. Good Day's Eboneé set's a plan and is okay if she can't stick to it. 

If you’ve made it this far thank you. This was more for me than you but I’m going to share it anyway. This blog might be right on time for someone. Hell, someone might share the words, the quote, the video, the thing that get’s me out of this funk and makes it all clear.

Love, Light & Wealth,

T-Neé