I’ve been thinking about family lately. I’ve been thinking about the family I started with, the family I gained, the family I lost and the family I’ve yet to meet. My family make-up is tricky to say the least. My life is giving… Lifetime Movie Special (manifesting? 😉) to most people, though it’s simple as day to me. Cliff Notes version, I’m adopted and not blood related to anyone I’ve ever called family (slightly more on that on my Failing Up: Saying Goodbye to Year 31 blog).
I guess family has always been a feeling to me. A knowing…a spoken and unspoken agreement…I just know it’s never been about biology for me. I’ve never cared that I don’t look like anyone I’ve ever met. I’ve never cared that it wasn’t possible for me to ever find my biological parents (though TikTok taught me otherwise). I’ve never cared about being blood related to anyone. I’ve never really cared about the way the world defined family or others expectations of the people they call family. I’ve never cared until recently.
This past year and half I’ve had everything I ever thought about family ripped up and thrown about as though it was all a lie. Despite this I’ve started to give more mental space to the thought of me starting a family…me being a mother. Now I do not mean I’ve been thinking about me becoming anyones mama any time soon…I’ve been thinking generally.
I’ve always wanted kids, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now, if that want has been nurture, nature or trauma I’m unsure. Maybe it’s a combination of all three. My Motherhood Trifecta? 😂
Either way, I’ve known I wanted to be a mama since I was a kid. I wanted to become a mother even more almost a year after my mama died. I honestly only came out of that dark place I was in after my mama died because I had some type of revelation or vision that I was supposed to be a mother. That my mama left me when I was barely an adult because she had given me everything I needed to survive this life without her. I believed that she gave me everything she had and it was now up to me to flourish. It was up to me to build my own legacy because I was hers and I’d never let Ginny down. Never.
My early twenties were dedicated to becoming a mother that, “baby whose name I’m not sharing with y’all so y’all can steal it”, would be proud of. I started living for an imaginary possible future baby…that sounds a little insane, sweet and also totally sane. Then, in my mid-twenties I had another sudden enlightenment and realized that I was absolutely insane for living my life for something outside of myself…for something that hasn’t even manifested yet. It was a noble cause for a while there, and the only reason I graduated college but still I realized I wanted different things now. Also, news about my thyroid disease being a possible hindrance for a simple pregnancy. Isn’t biology fun! 😑
I wanted a life that was my own to define more than I wanted a literal biological legacy that would likely shape and define me for the 18 year guarantee, if not the rest of my life. I wanted the chance to really know and love the deepest, darkest and brightest parts of myself before I could even think about raising, nurturing and loving a child into doing the same. For me, it wasn’t and isn’t possible for me to do these things simultaneously. Hats off to the women that do and have done it, I am in awe of you.
See the thing is, that second revelation planted a seed. It planted a seed that would become the version of Eboneé that is writing this blog…the seed that would become Rich Auntie Energy.
That seed led me to the conclusion that for the foreseeable future my priority is not a biological legacy. The season that I’m in is calling me to focus on my personal legacy.
My understanding of a personal legacy is what I like to call the Legacy Trifecta - a Spiritual Legacy, Relational Legacy and a Financial Legacy.
I’m on an ongoing beautiful journey with my spiritual legacy, Rich Auntie Energy is currently a large part of my relational legacy and I’m still working on my financial legacy.
When I talk about the Legacy Trifecta the following is what I'm referencing:
- Spiritual Legacy: A legacy path that is centered around a connection to something greater than ourselves. Whether it's through practicing your faith, cultivating mindfulness, or exploring new forms of spirituality, people on this path are committed to living a life of purpose and meaning.
- Relational Legacy: A legacy path that prioritizes nurturing relationships with family, friends and one's wider community. People on this path understand that relationships are the foundation of a fulfilling life, and they invest time and energy into building and maintaining strong connections.
- Financial Legacy: A legacy path that prioritizes being dedicated to creating, maintaining and managing one’s wealth in a way that aligns with their values and supports their long-term goals. It's about creating a financial foundation that allows us to live the life we want and support the causes we care about. People on this path understand that money is simply a tool that can offer the power to create opportunities and make a positive impact on their families and the world. As Rich Aunties, we understand the importance of financial freedom and work so that our nieces and nephews will never have to ask for a seat at someone else’s table.
Focusing on my Legacy Trifecta has led me to a life of impact and meaning. A life I couldn’t have imagined when my mama died. A life I didn’t plan for.
Focusing on my Legacy Trifecta has led me to a moment in time when my first baby, Rich Auntie Energy, will be featured in even the smallest way on a news segment that will discuss Black Women Fertility & more on Fox5NYC News (3/24 at 5:30p ET). An amazing reporter, Susannie, knew of our brand and remembered us at just the right moment and for just the right topic.
Isn’t alignment wonderful?
When I think about the moment I realized the impact Rich Auntie Energy will have on the world, I remember how much I wanted to uplift the women who are the support beams of the village that it takes to raise a child. I remember how much I empathize and understand the women who want to love, protect and nurture the babies that are our future. I remember that there are so many women who identify as The Rich Auntie that don’t have children currently, don’t want children, can’t have children, don’t want to be defined by the functions of their uterus, or want people to mind the uterus attached to them. I think about the women who don’t have the Hallmark section (manifesting a partnership? 🤔). The women whose holiday is unknown or forgotten (Auntie’s Day is 7/26). I think about the women like me who just want to figure life out before and if ever they bring life into the world.
I think about these women often. I think they are my family too. The “knowing” is there between Rich Aunties. I think about what I can offer these women. I think about how the path of my Spiritual Legacy has led to the expansion of my Relational Legacy, which has naturally led to the ever growing abundance attached to my Financial Legacy.
Focusing on my Legacy Trifecta has me rooted in a space of contentment, curiosity and acceptance. I accept that I don’t know if I want a Biological Legacy. I accept that I may not be physically able to have a Biological Legacy. I accept that I won’t know until I know and I love that for me. I accept and I know that I will have a family regardless of biology….like I always have.
I’ll be proud either way. My mama, Ginny, didn’t have a Biological Legacy but best believe I am a product of her Legacy Trifecta and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Isn’t alignment wonderful?
Eboneé
Bka @theyrichauntie
Aka T-Neé
1 comment
The is article speaks to the sprit of women that really had a vision to have a family which is not insane but In our sprit I must continue to reimagine myself while creating a legacy for myself. I am amazed how I am alienated by people because I’m not a mother. I have noticed a energy of of unkindness being a black single woman especially with the growing power of gentrification from people that are are building there families in Brooklyn .. Im happy I found out about your company on Fox five . I would love to be a part of your growing team as well .